Aw snap! I'm gonna eat it! - Date Night

Aw snap! I'm gonna eat it! - Date Night

     One of the problems plaguing couples with children is the lack of free-time outside of the bedroom. Typically a babysitter can cost more than an outing on the town, especially with four kids, which is why my wife and I resort to sitting in book stores for hours on end reading magazines. Hear me out! At first, I, too, thought the estrogen contained within such walls combined with the excessive body odor from hippies drinking overpriced coffee at 10 O'clock at night all seemed a bit much, but.... I found silence. I found magazines I haven't read in years. I found quiet time to hear myself think and I'll be honest, I've got some good ideas in there!
     Moral of the story here is take your wife out. Drive through somewhere and smuggle food into a theater. Hell, go to a book store because for some reason, they stay open pretty late.

     Over labor day weekend my wife and I had the pleasure of dining with some old co-workers... yes, a date. A date with another couple and two non-couples. Know what, it was just dinner with six adults, no high-chairs. Anyway... I had heard of this magical place that served a burger that can't be eaten. In fact, it was dared that I could not eat it! Why don't people just ask me to do something stupid and get it over with? Well, what you see here is burger. Three slabs of meat topped with onion straws, three cheeses, 8 pieces of bacon, the usual toppings of lettuce and vegetables, held together with two grilled cheese sandwiches for buns. That's a dinner knife holding it up. This was no small feat! It took much toil and work.
     About halfway through it I could only fake a smile without regretting it. But it got to a point where my man-hood was beginning to come into question. I knew I shouldn't have pre-gamed it with the fried mushrooms or the plate of loaded fries but they looked so good! Enter the meat-sweats. Any MAN knows what I'm talking about. The air conditioner could be set on 60 but sweat is beading from the forehead, being pushed forth from the skin, as protein, cholesterol, and manliness forces its way into the veins. Really what's happening is the body is beginning to reject itself. Get ready to die.

I started to eat with my front teeth like a poor, helpless deer... I think they turned up the heat in there because I started sweating profusely! Unfortunately I didn't make it. I left a patty and a half while everyone laughed. To be honest they're all jerks anyway! Who wants to hang out with them?! I took my wife and I left... with everyone else.

We went to a movie, stayed up past 10pm, drank soda after 5, it was off the hook! After we got back home my wife's mother gave us the what-for! Then some gas money, it was pretty sweet!
I just wanted to share that simple moment of my life and show you how a burger and some fries can go a long way on a date night. My wife enjoyed herself watching me make a boob out of myself. (I really want to 'hash-tag' the word 'boob' right now) Take some time and get to re-know your wife. Her favorite color might now be green anymore?!


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